Joshy came home last night  & said, "If you're so tired then why didn't you take a nap?" Between constantly feeding the baby, keeping the crazy 2 yo and dogs out of trouble, trying to quickly pick up the house (bc the speech therapist was coming 2 hours earler than usual), & shower (cuz I smelled of spitup) I didnt realize that was an option!

 Showers are hard enough when its just me & the kids. It still sounds weird to say kids-= plural- I actually have more than 1 of those things?! Yesterdays shower involved Jacob sneaking in the bathroom, climbing on the toilet, going through the medicine cabinet, & playing in the sink. It ended with him falling off the toilet, tears, & a bloody mouth.

 Husbands are so clueless! And he wonders why I get upset when he says he needs a break/time to go out with his friends. Ummm....HELLO! Being mommy with a newborn who keeps you up during the night to eat/be entertained is a 24 hour job, I get no break! And all I'm asking for is an hour or so to take a nap. I'm not asking for a night out......  How hard is that?

Baby product 'endorsement' part 3- Baby Wrap

Moby Wrap Most of my friends have joined the babywearing bandwagon. I tried to jump on with Jacob, but I missed the stop. I was given a snugli carrier at the baby shower but I found it to be uncomfortable when I used it. It was like wearing a heavy backpack backwards and my shoulders did not like it. So I bought a sling from Target. I ended up returning it a week later- I was not comfortable using it and kept thinking that Jake was going to fall out of it... A few weeks before Amelia was born, it occurred to me that we only had a single stroller and I wasnt sure how we were going to do public outings. Thus came the double stroller vs baby carrier debate. Jacob doesnt stay in strollers for very long and isnt typically a runner so I wasnt sure if it would be worth buying a double stroller. Those things arent cheap! But if he was tired, it would be handy so he could sleep and I wouldnt hafta carry him-- he may only be 20 pounds, buts hes a heavy twenty pounds. A lot of my friends use the ergo or boba3g carriers & theyve said they were real comfortable, but theyre also pretty expensive-- up to @ least $120 new. And then for babies under 12 pounds, you need an infant insert... I was very pregnant, so its not like I couldve gone to the store to try them on/out to see if id like it. And its over $100, thats a lot of money too.... Jacob likes to run around at the zoo- weve gone there so often he's pretty much got the place memorized, so I was leaning more towards the carrier. One of my fraternity brothers used a mobywrap before graduating to an ergo aand she graciously sent me hers to use. Let me tell ya, that thing is handy. I used it last week at the zoo & I dont know what i wouldve done without it. Being a LONG piece of fabric it looks complicated, but its actually pretty easy to use. and it was comfortable. it allowed me to carry Amelia around and still be able to hang out/run around with Jacob- it didnt slow me down like a stroller wouldve. Later that day we took our first family trip to walmart- we had amelia in her carseat, which Joshy put in the big old section of the cart (he didnt feel comfortable putting the seat in the 'chair' spot) and we had Jacob in his little stroller since he was practically asleep when we got there (but we shouldve known he'd wake up as soon as we got there). Shortly after we entered the store, I wished I had just put Amelia in the wrap. It wouldve made it easier, because having a stroller AND a cart just seemed to be a pain to me. And since the carseat was in the basket part of the cart, we couldnt fit much in it- luckily we weren't planning on buying much. I will def be using the wrap for future trips.... I will def be looking into using the ergo once amelia gets bigger. I have found some on sale for a relativley good price, but havent jumped at it yet since im not working.... but perhaps i should, cuz will the deal be there when the time comes?

Baby product 'endorsement' part 2- Nipple Shield

Medela Nipple Shield So its sounds weird and perhaps borderline creepy. Nipple Shield. the word nipple is weird enough.... but this thing has been a life saver in terms of breast feeding. With Jacob, breastfeeding sucked shortly after we got home from the hospital. It would hurt so bad that we would fight the evening feedings- I'd be crying and shouting and Jacob would be crying from hunger and then Joshy would storm into the living room because we woke him up. He'd hafta hold Jacob and practically forcce him on my boob. My nipples bled a little, it wasnt fun. Luckily it didnt last long. If it wasnt for the fact that my sister bought me a breast pump- which are hella expensive- I wouldnt have stuck it out... I didnt think we would have that problem with Amelia, since my boobs had already gone through it once. We didnt fight it, but I def was in some pain and cried through some feedings. Not to put a visual in your head, but my boobs were scabbed and would stick to the nursing pads. Kinda gross. Joshy said we could go to formula, but when I've got free boobie milk- whats the point? Formula is just too damn expensive! Lanolin helped keep it from drying and soothed it a bit but it didnt prevent it from hurting... So I did some research and learned about the nipple shield. (I read about it with Jake, but I was a little leary). @ only 9.16, I decided it would be worth the purchase, so while Joshy was on his way home from work I sent him to wal-mart to pick it up for me. (This dude buys tampons/pads AND nipple shields, I say thats a quality dude-- lol). You pop that baby on and the baby can still nurse and it gives the girls time to heal. Only took a couple of days- thank goodness. And since Amelia is an EATER/sucker- like occasionally on the boob every hour or so (it better be a growth spurt), I can use it occassionaly to get a 'break'. I only have 1 problem with this little sucker- it doesnt come with some sort of storage case. Its 100% silicon, therefore clear- I keep it in a sandwich baggie but since its clear, Joshy has accidentally thrown it out once and almost thrown it out again multiple times. I'm tempted to pull out my food gels and dye the sucker..... If you plan on breast feeding, you totally need to keep this thing in your stash. Its a godsend!

Just a few friendly baby product 'endorsements'- part 1- Diaper Bag

The Fisherprice Backpack Diaper Bag When I was pregnant with Jake I got a diaper bag- one of those tote ones that go on your shoulder. It was handy and met my needs- held everything and more. As he got older, I started to use the one I got from the hospital. It was one of those one shoulder sling backpack things. It held the basics since he didnt have a need to pack extra clothes and blankets. And it was easier when it came to goin to the store or having to carry Jacob around at the same time- I didnt hafta worry about the straps constantly sliding off my shoulder or feeling extra weight. So when it came to Amelia coming around, I decided I was going to use a backpack for a diaper bag. Not gonna lie, I got the idea from another mom I know. Diaperbag backpacks are at least $40- and I found that to be too much when I could buy a regular backback for a lot less so I decided I was just going to use my old backpack. Orange and roomy. My sister called me from the store one day and told me she was going to get it- I told her to put it back since I didnt want her spending the money for it. She had already bought 3/4 of Amelia's clothes!!! Well my cousin ended up getting it for me. While I still think this bag is overpriced- maybe I'm just real cheap these days?- I have got to say the bag is pretty awesome! It has external pockets to store your wipes, diapers,bottle, and pacifiers so you don't have to go digging through your bag in search for them. And theres plenty of room in the main compartment to carry a change of clothes, light blanket, books, toys, you name it. Using this sucker is def a hell of a lot better than using a regular backpack. I look forward to going places just so I can use it. Joshy jokes me because of it since I'm walking around places with a backpack, but whatev! And if I use the babywrap, its def easier to use this diaper bag than a regular tote one! Check this baby out!

Just read this on FB- thought I'd share...

I often hear young moms complaining about their needs not being met. About things they wish they had, wish they received, wished their husbands did… And I realized… not all husbands “get it.” Some take longer to learn their wives than others. And some wives don’t help the situation at all. We play games. We expect much but express little. Today, I felt compelled to write a letter. On behalf of stay at home moms. If you've never said it. Or he's never "gotten it." I hope this helps. To: My Husband. From: Your Stay at Home Wife/Mom. I used to think it would be so romantic if you just knew me so well, that you knew exactly what I needed. I would never have to verbally share with you my needs because if you really loved me, you would know what they were, even before I did. You, my love, were to be nothing less than a mind reader. It sounded fabulous and romantic. However, we’ve been married awhile now. And reality has set in. You are an amazing man. An incredible husband. But I must tell you: You are horrible at mind reading. And it’s not your fault. I now get it. It’s physically impossible. There’s nothing you can do to acquire this superpower that I wish you possessed. So today, I am declaring that I am letting you off the hook. No more guessing. No more expectations unmet. Today, I lay it out. I’m giving you a peek into me. But once you know, you are responsible for that knowledge. No more playing dumb. No more acting clueless. You can choose to stop reading here if you enjoy the guessing game. Ah, you’re still reading? Awesome. I love that about you. You’re IN. I knew it. Ok wait. Before I express my needs, let me explain something that might be difficult to understand: I love our kids. I love my role as a mom. But honestly? It’s tough. And here’s the tricky part – those 2 things DO co-exist. One doesn’t trump the other or cancel it out. I love it - And I’m tired. It’s an honor – But it’s exhaustingly hard work. I’m fulfilled - And I’m drained. Get it? Me either. It’s tricky and complex. But it’s called Motherhood and I’m in the thick of it. OK, so in light of that, here’s what I need. Or want. TomAto….TomAHto. Here’s the reality in no particular order…. 1) I need to refuel. And it’s not by grocery shopping with only 1 kid instead of all 3. I need to get out of the house. Alone. I need to ride in my car and listen to adult music. I want to use the public restroom in the small stall. The one without the changing station. Alone. I don’t need extravagance. [I mean, I won’t turn down extravagance, of course. But I don’t need it.] ;) You know what I’d love? To wander the isles of Target for an hour. Or to sit at Starbucks alone for 30 minutes. Or to walk in a shopping mall without pushing a stroller. It really is that easy. Will I come back completely changed and ready to conquer the world? Honestly? Sometimes yes. But mostly, no. But what I WILL come back with, is a little more life in me. I will have a spring in my step. It’s a little shot in the arm. I reeeeallly need this. When you ask if I want it, and I say, “I’m OK.” I need you to tell me to go anyway. 2) Please don’t call and ask what’s for dinner. If anything, call and ask, “Do we have dinner plans? If not, can I stop by the store and pick anything up?” I love you. And I love providing nourishment for our family. But when I have spit up running down into my bra and a toddler who just learned to take off his own dirty diaper, The Call adds that little extra pressure in my day that just makes me want to accidentally change the locks on the front door. 3) When I take the kids to the pool, please know that I didn’t spend the day poolside with a cocktail. Sometimes I feel like that’s how you view the life of a stay at home mom. In reality, every 2 minutes, I’m doing roll call to make sure everyone is above water. “1..2..3..…1…2…3…” over and over and over and over. I’m changing poopy swim diapers on hot concrete and peeling wet swimsuits off tiny bodies because they have to go potty AGAIN. I’m schlepping towels and sunblock and swimming goggles and dive toys and flippers and water shoes and cover ups and diapers and wipes and snacks and drinks. I have one child who has no fear of water and is jumping into areas he’s not allowed to, and another child who’s deathly afraid of the water and is leaving claw marks in my arm. Blood has been drawn. A walk in the park is not a walk in the park. It’s chasing, and counting, and disciplining and refereeing.. A day at the pool is all of that, in a big hole of water. Attempting to avoid death. For real. 4) I’ve been nursing a baby all day long. My “nursers” are over stimulated. The last thing I desire when you get home from work, is to have one more person perusing the “food court.” Those are not yours right now. They are on loan to the person they were actually created for. Your time will come. It’s just not today. If you will understand this and not let it become a point of tension, I’m certain you’ll get extra rewards in heaven. 5) However, when we’re home and you walk by me in the kitchen and grab my butt, and I swat you away, I don’t mean it. I secretly love that you still want to be playful and frisky. The timing may not be right, or I just don’t know what to do with your playfulness because my brain is counting the number of loads of laundry waiting for me. But please don’t stop. I need to know you still like me. I understand this is confusing in light of the point above. I can’t explain everything. I’m just informing. I’m complex likethat. 6) I need a Girls Night Out every once in awhile. While we both know you rock, I need some time with girlfriends as well. Unless, of course, you would like to discuss bikini waxing, my period and the latest fashion trends with me. No? Cool. Girl’s Night Out it is. 7) I need non-sexual touch. I know you don’t quite understand what that is. Just pretend it’s valuable and possible. The grabbing mentioned above is fun and all, but sometimes I just want to feel your arm on my shoulder, without it slowly moving a few inches south. I need your physical affection without motive. I need to know that you like to just be with me. 8) When you walk in the door, let’s make a deal: You won’t walk straight to the family room and collapse on the couch with the remote… And I won’t greet you at the door with all 5 kids, dump them on you and clock out. When you come home from work, let’s do it together. Share the load. If you need to decompress from your day at work, please take the long way home. Drive around the block a few extra times if you need to. Just don’t walk in and disconnect. You are my Knight. I love knowing you’re coming home. I can’t feel like I have another child to care for when you walk in the door from work. I need my partner. My teammate. 9) That trip we took with the kids was awesome. We created family memories. We had fun. But that’s exactly what it was – a “trip.” I now need a “vacation.” A vacation is like a trip. Just without the diapers and wipes and baby food and high chairs and primary color toys. Oh, and without the tiny humans that come with those things. Don’t get me wrong, I love those tiny humans. But a break to refuel, refresh, clear my mind, etc..is invaluable. I have no way to explain what a true vacation will do to me. Other than to say hotel room sex is fabulous. The end. 10) When you come home to a clean house, be assured it didn’t look like that hours earlier. There were crackers smashed on the floor, toys everywhere, food smeared on walls, 8 outfit changes from our preschool daughter strewn around the house… If you come home to a clean house, please notice. Please say something. Acknowledge that it obviously took superhuman powers to get it to the state it is. It sounds silly and needy. Maybe I am. But you know that “atta boy” you got from your boss at work that made your day? Ya, I need that too. 11) When we go to a restaurant, sometimes I need you to offer to sit next to ‘the kid.’ You know, the one that needs extra assistance. The one that cries and grabs and throws and needs. When I say, “No, it’s OK. I’ll sit next to The Child” I need you to gift me with the break anyway. I’m not saying every time. But we both know that going to restaurants with The Child is difficult. I’d so appreciate sharing that load with you. 12) I need to go on a date. With you. I need to wear clothes that don’t smell like any type of child’s body fluid. I need to order food for just me. I need to eat it while it’s hot. I need to look into your eyes. I need to hold your hand. I need adult conversation. And while the topic of kids might creep into our conversation, let’s commit to keeping that to a minimum. We spent so much of our dating years getting to know each other. Asking questions. I was your student and you were mine. A lot has happened since then. You and I have changed and grown. Let’s learn about each other again. Re-discover who we are today. Let’s know and be known. Let’s date. 13) Let’s commit to not comparing. My friend might be prettier. Or a better homemaker. Or parent with ease. Her husband might be more romantic. Or more successful. Or a more engaged father. There’s always going to be someone who does what we do, but better. Or so it seems. Let’s commit to not comparing. Comparison will steal our joy. It will take the wind out of our sail. It will make us feel defeated. Or frustrated. Or angry. Or all of the above. Let’s be honest - everyone else is just as messed up as we are. We just see the beautiful, shiny outsides of them that they put on display, and tend to compare it to the dysfunctional, broken insides of ourselves that only we know. Let’s just be the best “us”we can be – keeping our eyes ONLY on OUR path. I love you. I chose you and you chose me. Let’s be in for US and US only. Thank you for hearing me. You may not understand it all. I don’t even know if I do. This season is glorious and difficult. And in all the uncertainty, the only thing I do know is there is NO ONE I’d rather do this with, than you. You are exactly the “who” I need. The other stuff is just the “what” I’d love from you. I ask you to just try. And if you’re willing, I’d love a list like this from you in return. This is a tough season for us both. I know you have needs you rarely express as well and I’d love a peek into those if you’d be willing to share. I love you and love that we’re living in what we’ll someday call “the good old days.” You have my heart forever. <3

Precipitate Delivery

Thats what my discharge papers say I had. Its a stupid term- when I think of precipitate, I think of precipitation- not child birth... I ended up going through with inducing labor. Went in Friday morning. They gave me some drugs to soften the cervix and my body did the rest on its own, no pitocin thank goodness cuz that stuff is intense! It WAS an accidental natural birth though. They gave me my epidural, layed me down and no lie out popped Amelia. The nurses are pretty sure that she was crowning while I was in the middle of getting the epidural. Yvonne, the nurse who delivered Amelia (it happened WAY too fast for the doc to be there for it) didnt think Amelia would be born till after 7, she was born at 338... I always thought that a natural birth would be painful because of a big head coming through a little hole. I was WRONG! The contractions are definitely the painful part! the actual birth part felt more of a relief! The pediatrician asked me how I didnt know the baby was coming so here's a little back story to explain it. First, before you have a baby they warn you in birthing classes that while pushing, you may poop some. With Jacob, I hadnt eaten for well over 12 hours by the time pushing commenced- I didnt poop (thank goodness) but I had NO energy! And the nurses told me that if it felt like I had to poop, it was a sign that the baby was coming and I could start pushing. It felt like I was pushing for HOURS by the time Jake was born- I pushed so long that they had to use the vaccuum to get him out and I almost had to resort to a c-section. Well since I had no energy with Jacob and you cant eat anything but ice chips and popcicles once you get to the hospital, me and joshy stopped by BK to get some bfast before going to the hospital. So when I felt that pooping sensation, I really thought I had to poop-a big hard poop. I was in so much pain from the contractions that I didnt care what I did. I was soo uncomfortable that I didnt care that the anesthesiologist was behind me close to my butt and when I `pushed I really thought I was taking a giant poo (it was a sausage croissant from bk afterall- fast food sausage can really have an effect on a persons body). And no one thought shed get here til later that evening, so how was i sposed to know that that pushing sensation meant she was good to go!! Its amazing how much your modesty goes out the window when you're in a hospital. Sitting in a bed with your goods hanging out like it aint nothing, screaming obsenities, having no problem going the restroom in front of people (that one didnt last long- thats just weird) So my kid came as a result of me thinking I had to take a giant poo. Lets hope she never inquires about her birth cuz I'm sure thats what every kid wants to hear. =P

On Tuesday at my doc appt, I measured @ 2 cm dilated- the week before only 1.5, and my belly measured 41 cm. With my due date being the 1st (today) I was given the option to schedule an induction. I had no clue what to do so I went ahead and let them schedule it - I figured I could always cancelled/reschedule. Well todays the day, and I still have no clue what to do..... I'm, obviously, over being pregnant. The maternity band on most of my pants dont stay up. My back is achier longer throughout the day, everything I eat makes me feel acidy- EVERYTHING, even cheese- I cant brush my teeth without standing at the sink sideways, I just did the dishes and I had to take a bunch of breaks because my back was bothering me, its getting harder to do things around the house, Jacob no longer fits on my lap, to get out of bed I need a boost- thank goodness for the dogs sleeping in bed with us because I totally use them to push myself up! Its been a while since I slept a whole nite in my bed- ive been getting up and moving to the couch in the middle of the night since my back bothered me and id be gettin up to pee so much... Having it scheduled also means I don't have to stress about Jacob. Theres someone there to watch him regardless, but it means it wont be a hassle if it happens in the middle of the night. And Joshy only has 2 vacation days left, so if we have her during the week then he only gets two days with us versus the 4. On the other hand,letting nature take its course is ideal. Not everything at home is ready- we had a bunch of set backs with the dormer leak and hole in the ceiling and what have you. Josh thinks shes waiting for it to all be done. Josh is home bw 4 & 5 during the week, so its not like he wont be here.... And Ive still got my fam close by to help out- my brother is off work next week, my sister is free till school starts back up.... It probably shouldnt be this hard, but totally hardest decision EVER!!!! Like I texted Josh, (warning may be semi sappy) deciding to marry him was an easy decision why cant this be just as easy?